How to Remain Calm and Peaceful When There Are Recurring Negative Thoughts Happening to You!

“Lord Buddha taught that suffering arises when we cling to things and/or oneself expecting them to be permanent.”

Atip Muangsuwan
CEO Coach and Coach Supervisor

As a coach, I often work with clients who are held back not by their present circumstances, but by negative thoughts of the past or recurring negative thoughts. These recurring negative narratives can create self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and a pervasive feeling of being “not enough.”

In a recent coaching session, I had the privilege of working with a brilliant leader (let’s call her “Sarah” to protect her confidentiality) who was struggling with exactly this. She found that a critical statement from a close family member would replay in her mind like a broken record. While she was intellectually secure and even happy with her life choices, these recurring thoughts would trigger waves of low self-esteem and self-doubt.

She had tried various techniques—catching her thoughts, reframing them, meditation—but the negative feeling would still surface. She wanted to learn how to truly deal with these thoughts, not just temporarily suppress them.

Our exploration led us to the two profound truths in Buddhism: The Law of Impermanence (Anicca) and The Five Aggregates (Khandha). These are not just abstract ideas or frameworks; they are the fundamental truths for understanding the human life and finding lasting peace.

The Core Issue: A Story That Sticks

Sarah’s story is a common one. A loved one had told her that her current life situation was a result of “bad karma” from a past life. Logically, Sarah was content; she valued her freedom and independence. Yet, the story itself had a lingering power, creating a disconnect between what she knew to be true and what she felt in her low moments.

The question was: Why does a thought we know isn’t true still have the power to hurt us?

The First Key: The Law of Impermanence (Anicca)

I shared with Sarah that in Buddhism, the law of impermanence is a fundamental truth. Anicca states that all of existence is in a constant, fluid state of change. Everything—from the seasons to our cells, from our relationships to our very thoughts and feelings—arises, changes, and passes away.

• What it means: Nothing is permanent. This applies to mental states just as much as physical ones. A feeling of joy, a wave of sadness, or a critical thought is not a permanent fixture. It is a temporary visitor in our consciousness or knowing.
• The root of suffering: The Buddha taught that suffering arises when we cling to things and “oneself”, expecting them to be permanent. We grasp at pleasant feelings and resist unpleasant ones, like trying to hold onto a flowing river or stop a cloud from moving.

For Sarah, this meant recognizing that the painful thought itself was impermanent. The feeling of being “low” was not a permanent state but a passing condition. By observing it without resistance, she could stop feeding it with energy and allow it to pass on its own just like a one more passing show.

The Second Key: Deconstructing the Self with The Five Aggregates

To deepen this understanding, we explored the teaching of the Five Aggregates. These are the five components that come together to create the illusion of a solid, permanent “self.” They are:

1. Form (Rupa): The physical body which always shows the changing forms; i.e. the standing form, the walking form, the sitting form and the lying-down form.
2. Sensation or feelings (Vedana): The immediate pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feeling that arises from an experience or a condition.
3. Remembering or memory (Sanna): The process of recognizing and labeling (e.g., “That is my mother’s voice,” “This is a critical statement”).
4. Mental Formations or thinking (Sankhara): The volitions and thoughts that are shaped by conditions (this is where the story about “karma” and “self-doubt” gets constructed).
5. Consciousness or knowing (Vinnana): The awareness that registers all of the above.

The Powerful Insights for Everyday Life

These fundamental truths led to several powerful insights for Sarah:

1. There is no solid, unchanging “Sarah” or “mother” to be found. We are all just temporary collections of these five ever-changing processes. This explains why we cannot control others—their thoughts, feelings, or actions are also just aggregates in flux. How can you control another person’s temporary mental formations when you can’t even fully control your own?
2. The thought is not you. A recurring negative thought is simply a mental formation (Sankhara) arising based on past conditions. By observing it through the lens of the aggregates, we can see it as a passing phenomenon, not a core truth about who we are.
3. The path to peace is through observation. The practice of simply observing these aggregates working without getting swept away by them is mindfulness meditation. This consistent practice leads to understanding, which matures into wisdom.

The Pathway to Freedom

Our session concluded with a clear pathway forward:

Mindfulness → Wisdom → Non-Attachment → Unshakeable Peace (Equanimity)

By becoming a gentle, non-judgmental observer of her thinking (the five aggregates), Sarah could stop identifying with the painful stories. She would see them for what they really are: impermanent mental events. This wisdom allows for letting go, not because you force it, but because you see there is nothing solid to hold onto in the first place.

Action Steps for Daily Practices

Sarah’s action steps were simple but profound:

1. Be the Observer: Throughout the day, practice being the witness of your “self” which in reality is ‘The 5 Aggregates’ rather than “self”.
2. Catch the Present Moment: Practice mindfulness by noticing your thoughts, feelings, and actions as they happen in the present moment, without judgment.
3. Maintain Awareness: Make a conscious effort to return to this state of self-awareness as frequently as possible every single day.

True freedom isn’t about never having a negative thought again. It’s about remaining calm and neutral whenever those thoughts happen.

By understanding the law of impermanence and deconstructing the self through the five aggregates, we can find a peace that is unshakeable, not because our circumstances or conditions are perfect, but because we understand the very nature of how experience is created.

About Atip Muangsuwan: Atip Muangsuwan is the Founder & CEO of The Best Coach International Co., Ltd. He is a CEO & UHNWI Coach, Certified Mentor & Supervisor for global executive coaches, Holistic Life Transformation Expert, Business & Life Strategist, and Corporate Facilitator/Trainer. With a proven track record of helping clients achieve their career goals and job promotions, Atip is dedicated to supporting individuals in their personal and professional growth.